Every now and then I hear about a Hollywood couple breaking up and I feel sad. Weird isn't it? I don't know these people, never met 'em, never will. Why should I care? I've not figured that out, but I have made a study, as The Pop Tart, of what breaks up most of the marriages, and relationships, we read about. The male ego.
My thesis:
Things will go along swimmingly with a H-wood hot couple until she becomes bigger then him. Now this thesis only applies to couples where both members are in the public eye. If one is a behind the scenes H-wood worker or not in the business then it's a much different picture.
Okay, the male ego. He can't take it when she gets bigger then him. Was there ever any doubt that Halle Berry and her musician hubby were going to split? Sure he was cheating but the writing was on the wall as soon as she won her Oscar. Same goes for Helen Hunt and Hank Azaria? She was already composing her irreconcilable differences as she thanked the academy! And think of the first Bennifer. J-Lo on her way up, Ben on his way down. They break up and he takes up with a lesser Jennifer (who seems nicer I'll grant) and they're married in record time. Ditto Benjamin Bratt and Julia Roberts. How long after their divorce before he married his model and started having some babies?
Babies are the second part of the equation. If a power couple is equally powerful but she's starting to edge him out then the babymaking starts. This part of the thesis has two different scenarios. First response to her getting more attention: If they're like Tom and Nicole or Brad and Jen, then as she starts to edge him out, he sheds her and takes up with someone else. That someone else is almost immediately having his baby (Katie H. and Angelina, need I say more?). Proves his manliness to the nth degree.
The second way is to keep her and keep your ego. Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones - equally powerful - but she's still rising and he's about done. What to do, what to do? Get her pregnant of course. Notice that when CZJ wins her Oscar she is hugely pregnant with Michael's child. Worked out nicely didn't it? Proof of his vigor on display to the whole world. Brad and Angelina fit this one as well as the first. She's already pregnant. Need I say more?
None of this is to say women don't have egos. In H-wood couples it's all about ego, they are performers after all. No, the women have egos. But if they're the lesser success in the marriage, Newman and Woodward, Hanks and Wilson, Travolta and Preston, women are more able to take the blow to the ego. Society says it's okay for them to be less powerful. They have nothing to prove.
Which brings me to the sad breakup that started my pistons firing. Chad and Hillary. I really thought they were going to weather it. She won her Oscar but he did a well-reviewed turn on ER. Seemed like he was dealing. Now we hear they've separated and have been for a while. I'm wondering if that second Oscar nom finally did them in?
Any couples you can think of to disprove my thesis?
We've all picked up on them from time to time. These conventions that follow us from show to show and character to character. The mythologies, or lies if you will, of tv.
First up:
Single woman finds herself pregnant. Let's call her Heroina. What's Heroina going to do? I'll tell you. She'll have a serious conversation with a close someone (generally a sister or best friend) in which she's told that she has a "choice". Heroina nodds knowingly. Yes Heroina knows she has a "choice". Next couple of scenes are Heroina angsting over her "choice" and then she's at the clinic. She'll look painfully at all the happily pregnant women and you the viewer are supposed to know that this is very, very difficult for her. Heroina's name is called and the screen fades to black. The viewer is supposed to be hanging on the edge of their seat. What will she do? Will our Heroina go through with it? What does that mean about her character? Of course you know the answer. Heroina can't go through with it. Next scene is her walking somewhere alone or sitting in a restaurant thinking of this scary thing she's decided to do.
What burns me about these scenes is that I hate what the writers are saying. Don't get me wrong, I don't want these women to have abortions. I'm very ambivalent on the topic myself. But I hate the oh so serious, we'll make it clear what the law is, but of course our Heroina is much too good and pure to actually go through with something like this. That's the true message. Though she may have a "choice" no truly good woman will do this thing. She can't, she's good. Apparently only bit players who've been raped can make the "choice" or very bad women.
Second thing that gets me is that adoption is rarely mentioned as an alternative. I know several families who have received the gift of a child and are raising them with every bit of the love they have to offer. Why is that not part of Heroina's "choice"? I'll tell you.
Second Up:
Because the second mythology television perpetuates is that all adoptees will spend their lives with holes in their hearts or souls. They long to find their birth parents. They won't be complete until they find the people who gave them up and learn why they were GIVEN UP. Blech! I don't doubt that some adoptees have questions about their biological underpinnings. But I also know some who don't have one scintilla of interest in pursuing this path. They are content with their family (of course whether I believe that or not is whole 'nother question because really is anyone content with their family?).
So what's this message all about? A little more murky then the "choice" message. But I think it's clear that being an adoptee is always considered on television as being someone other. Someone who isn't fulfilled because they don't have the all-glorious "family" around them. And maybe that's the biggest mythology of tv there is. That family is everything. Think of the Sopranos.
Why do I care about any of this? Because we all watch television and it permeates everything about our culture. These messages get through. If you make that "choice" you're a bad woman and if you give up that baby you're a bad woman. The only choice you have to be a good woman is to birth that child and raise it on your own. You don't have the convenience of the writers providing a miscarriage if a baby doesn't fit the story.
Trying out my new avatar. Let me know what you think.
Off for the holiday today so I went to see a movie with a good friend. She had a baby at the beginning of November and was glad to leave baby J with hubby and see a movie. I let her pick the movie and she picked The Family Stone. Fine by me. I couldn't quite remember if it was the one with Jennifer Aniston finding out her family inspired The Graduate or if it was the Sarah Jessica Parker film where she's going home to meet her boyfriend's family for the first time at Christmas. It was the second one, in case you're as clueless as I am.
Liked the movie a lot but found myself crying throughout. Not even sure why. It had it's tender moments but the only real three-hanky scene was at the end. So what the heck? The movie itself was very good. SJP plays an uptight waspy gal brought home to meet the very close Stone family. They take an immediate dislike to this cold woman their beloved prodigal has brought home and things go from there. Lots of good performances with the always cute Luke Wilson as a laid-back documentarian keeping it real.
The movie is not without flaws. The too pat and too quick resolution was weak, though emotionally pleasing. And the reasoning behind Everett's (son who brings SJP's character home) behavior isn't too clear. But all in all I do recommend it.
As to the crying? Still not altogether clear on that. I think the happy family Christmas thing just struck a nerve. Feels like something I'll never have again. Cue the violins.